45 | Why You Should Stop Fighting Anxiety and Start Using It

Why does anxiety hit hardest right before something important?

Why does it get louder even when you have handled similar situations before?

What if anxiety isn't something you need to get rid of, but something you were never taught how to use?

Anxiety often shows up right before moments that matter. A test. A presentation. A game. A conversation you care about. When it does, most advice focuses on calming down or making the feeling stop. When that fails, anxiety starts to feel personal.

In this episode, Jessica Davis explains why anxiety behaves this way and why it often intensifies instead of fading with experience. You will learn how the brain mistakes importance for danger, why anxious thoughts ignore past success, and why panic is often a signal of care rather than failure.

You will also learn how confident people experience the same physical symptoms of anxiety and interpret them differently. Instead of fighting the feeling, they work with it. This episode walks you through how to make that shift and gives you practical tools you can use the moment anxiety shows up.

What You’ll Learn in This Episode
• Why anxiety spikes around the things you care about most
• The brain pattern that fuels worst case thinking
• Why fighting anxiety makes it stronger
• How to reinterpret physical panic sensations
• Three simple strategies to work with anxiety in real time
• A five step grounding checklist you can use anywhere

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🎙️ Presented by Davis-Smith Mental Health

This podcast was created by Davis-Smith Mental Health, offering counseling for teens & young adults in Illinois (only). We accept BCBS PPO, Aetna PPO, and self-pay clients.

Links: 
Anxiety Survival Toolkit:
https://www.blockoutthenoisepodcast.com/anxiety-survival-toolkit/

Newsletter:
https://blockoutthenoisepodcast.substack.com/welcome

Davis-Smith Mental Health:
https://www.davis-smithmentalhealth.com/

1:1 Confidence Coaching:
https://tidycal.com/blockoutthenoise/confidence-coaching

⚠️ Disclaimer:  Block Out the Noise provides personal insights and practical stra...

Transcript

Anxiety Hits When Things Matter

Jessica N. Davis 0:07

You know that feeling when your heart starts pounding before you have to give a presentation, or when you send an important text message and your stomach drops, waiting for a reply. Or when you walk into a party and immediately feel like everyone is watching you, and then someone with the best intentions tells you, just calm down, like it's a switch you can flip, but you can't. And that just makes you feel worse, like there's something broken inside you that you can't fix. What if the problem isn't that you're anxious? What if the problem is that you've been taught to fight a feeling that actually is trying to tell you something important? The real secret is that anxiety doesn't disappear with practice. In fact, it often gets louder when something truly matters to you. That panic isn't proof you're broken, it's proof you care. And today we're going to learn how to stop fighting it and start using its energy. Hi, and welcome to Block Out the Noise, a space to quiet the noise of anxiety, self-doubt, and overthinking. I'm Jessica Davis, a licensed therapist, mindset coach, and the creator of the Courage Method. I specialize in helping teens and young adults build confidence, courage, and purpose. If you want something that you can use the moment anxiety shows up, please go download the free anxiety survival toolkit in the show notes. It gives you clear steps to stay grounded when your thoughts start to race. Also, quick reminder: this podcast is here to support and guide you, but it is not a replacement for talking to someone in real life. If you're struggling with your mental health, please reach out to a therapist. And if you're in crisis, contact emergency services or a local helpline. You don't have to go through it alone. All right, let's break down what's actually happening in your brain when anxiety hits. Because once you see that pattern, it's really hard to unsee it. Your brain has this weird glitch. It's designed to keep you safe, so it's always on the lookout for danger. But sometimes it gets its wires crossed and starts treating things that are just important as if they're life-threatening. Think about a typical school week. You could have had 20 days in a row where you showed up, talked to friends, maybe even answered questions in class. 20 days where nothing catastrophic happened. Then on day 21, you have to give a presentation and your brain goes, okay, but today's the day it all falls apart. Suddenly you're convinced your mind will go blank, you'll say something stupid, everyone will laugh, that it will be social ruin. Here's the wild part. This glitch doesn't just happen to you, it happens to people at the absolute top of their game. Michael Jordan, who won six NBA championships, five MVPs, widely considered the greatest player ever, and I agree with that, said in an interview, I was pretty much nervous before every game. Every game. So the hundredth time, it will definitely be a disaster. You gently tell them that doesn't even make any sense. So you can see the glitch clearly when it's someone else. It just feels completely different when it's your own body freaking out. So the first step isn't to shame yourself for thinking this way. It's just to notice it, to say to yourself, Oh, there's my brain running its favorite end of the world movie again. Just notice the pattern without judgment. That's the first crack in the loop. But of course, noticing it is only one step because there's a reason your brain does this. And when you understand why anxiety gets louder when things matter, everything shifts. That's next. Now, let's talk about the physical feeling of panic itself. The racing heart, the shaky hands, the tightness in your chest that makes it hard to breathe, or sometimes the opposite. It could be a total shutdown where you feel numb and the words just won't come out. It feels awful, and your first instinct is to make it stop, of course, right? But what if those feelings are actually a signal? Stephen Curry, one of the greatest shooters in NBA history, described it like this: it's an uneasy feeling. It happens fast. It's not a steady progression. I experience it when I'm in the locker room, preparing to get locked in for a big game. This is a guy who hits clutch threes in front of millions of people, and he still feels that rush of unease before big moments. Here's where it gets really interesting. Research in sports psychology shows something really powerful. Elite athletes and beginners feel the exact same physical symptoms before a big competition. The racing heart, the sweaty palms, the nervous energy, the difference isn't in their bodies, it's in their minds. Elite athletes learn to interpret those feelings as excitement, as fuel, as their body getting pumped up and ready for a challenge. Less confident athletes interpret those same exact feelings as a sign that there is something wrong, that they are about to fail. Same body, same symptoms, completely different story. Sidney Crosby, who is a three-time Stanley Cup champion and has won two Olympic gold medals, put it this way: I don't think you're human if you don't get nervous. He's not saying nervousness is a weakness. He says it's a proof you're alive. You're human. So the next time you feel that panic rising before a test or a social event, try this reframe. Instead of asking, why am I like this? What's wrong with me? Try saying, of course I feel this. I'm about to do something that actually matters to me. Your body isn't attacking you. It's trying in a really clumsy, kind of dramatic way to get you ready for something important. This is why anxiety doesn't just go away with practice. It often gets louder because the more a situation matters to you, the more your brain and body want to be ready. Think about where your anxiety hits the hardest. Is it always around grades and tests? That probably means doing well in school matters deeply to you. Is it around friendships or talking to someone you like? That means connection is important to you. Is it before a game, a performance, or a first day at the job? That means you care about showing up and doing a good job. The anxiety isn't random. It's a spotlight pointing directly at what you value most. Steph Curry said something that sums this up kind of perfectly. If you aren't nervous, it doesn't matter to you. Shifting from I'm anxious, so I must be weak to I'm anxious here because this spot is incredibly important to me, that changes everything. It doesn't magically erase the discomfort, but it stops you from piling shame on top of fear. It takes the feeling from being a sign of failure to being a sign that you're invested, that you're engaged, that you care. And that's a strength. That's not a weakness. Okay, so now you're understanding what's happening. Your brain has somewhat of what we call a glitch, but I don't even know if that's like the best words for it. Your body is just reacting to things that matter. None of that means you're broken. But you're probably thinking, cool, great, now I understand that, but what can I actually do with all of this? That's where we're going now. Three strategies. That's where we're going now. Three strategies you can use starting today. Strategy number one, borrow someone else's comb. Here's the truth. Trying to logic your way out of anxiety when you're deep in it is like trying to put out a fire with gasoline, right? Your rational mind is offline. This is where other people come in. Think about a time before a big event, maybe before a party you were nervous about, or even like a final exam. Did you text a friend, a family member? That was you instinctively trying to borrow a little bit of their calm. You were looking for a reality check from outside the panic spiral in your own head. So let's make that instinct a deliberate strategy. The next time you feel that pre-event dread building, try this. Text one person you trust. It doesn't have to be a long, dramatic explanation. It can be as simple as, hey, I'm feeling really anxious about this presentation later. Can you just tell me it's going to be okay? Or walking into this thing alone is freaking me out. Send good vibes. You're not asking them to solve your anxiety. You're asking them to be kind of like a co-pilot for a minute to help you see the situation from a less terrifying angle. Bonus option, which I think is honestly a little bit better than just texting someone, because I think sometimes when we text people, it lends to feeling as though we have codependency on managing our feelings. One of the strategies that I teach my clients often is the same strategy, but using someone who you don't know in real life. So borrowing someone else's call might be channeling an athlete that you admire, finding someone in a TV show or a movie, that character that you want to embody in this moment, and trying to channel their energy to help you get through. Here's the surprising benefit. Helping someone else with their anxiety can rewrite your own brain. When a friend comes to you panicking about a test, what do you say? You probably say something kind and reasonable like, you studied so hard, you know this stuff, it's going to be fine. You see their situation clearly because you're not trapped inside their fear. Now imagine saying those exact same words to yourself. It feels harder, right? But when you practice being that calm, reassuring voice for others, you're secretly training yourself too. You're building the pathways for a kinder, more rational self-talk. The goal isn't to find someone who will eliminate that feeling for you. That's just not possible. But the goal is to have someone in your corner who can hand you a life raft when you feel like you're drowning in the what-ifs. Sometimes the most powerful tool is just a simple text back that says, You've got this. I believe in you. Strategy two, let the feeling belong. This next shift is one that I think if you can actually practice it, it will change everything for you. You are in a way playing different roles every single day. You're the student giving a presentation, you're the friend having a difficult conversation, you're the new employee on your first day of work. Think about it this way: would it actually make sense for the student who's giving a presentation to feel completely zen and relaxed? Probably not, right? It makes far more sense that the person would have a mix of nerves and excitement. The teen walking into a tryout should have some adrenaline pumping. That's what it looks like to care. This leads to a crucial change in your self-talk. Instead of the internal battle of I have to stop feeling this before I can start, you can shift it to a much more beneficial thought process. Try telling yourself, this is the version of me that cares how this goes. Of course, I feel a little shaky. This isn't about faking confidence. It's about giving yourself permission to be a whole person, a person who can feel anxious and still be capable. The magic of this approach is that it removes the secondary layer of anxiety, the anxiety about being anxious. When you stop fighting the feeling, you free up so much mental energy that was previously spent on the exhausting battle of I shouldn't feel this way. That energy can then be redirected toward the actual task at hand. You move from I have to stop this feeling to I can feel this and I can still raise my hand. I can feel this and I can still walk through the door. I can feel this and I can still compete. Your anxiety isn't a separate entity trying to sabotage you. It's part of you that's deeply invested in the outcome. When you let it belong, you stop fighting yourself. You acknowledge the care underneath the panic and you allow yourself to move forward, not in spite of the nerves, but with them as part of your story. Strategy three, redirect the energy. So right now we've noticed the loop. We have normalized the feeling and you've let it belong. Now let's put that energy to work. Anxiety is just a surge of energy that's currently aimed at imaginary disasters. The trick is to give it a new helpful job. Here's how that looks in real life. So for school, it would be before a test, use that energy to fuel a focused five-minute review of your notes instead of spiraling to what if I fail? Before a presentation, run through your first sentence out loud. Just the first sentence, but read it maybe three times. If it's for a social situation, maybe before a party, use the energy to plan one simple opening question. Something like, Did you do anything fun this weekend? The only idea is to help you feel more confident and comfortable on what to say. Also plan one exit line so you don't feel trapped as well. I'm gonna grab some water, I'll be right back, or I'm gonna go use the bathroom. I'll see you soon. For sports or performances, turn the nerves into a physical warm-up. Shake out your hands, take some deep breaths, walk a fast lap, then mentally rehearse just your first move, not the whole thing. The energy doesn't disappear. You just assign it a better task. When you feel that spike of anxiety, having a simple script can be your anchor. Here's a five-step checklist you can use anywhere. Step one, name it. Say it to yourself. This is just anxiety. Just naming it creates a little space between you and the feeling. Step two, normalize it. Remind yourself, this means I care about this. Michael Jordan felt this before every game. Steph Curry still feels this before big moments. I'm not broken, I'm human. Step three, find the care underneath. Get specific. I care about doing well on this test, or I care about this friendship, or I care about how I show up today. Step four, choose one tiny helpful action. I'll review just the first page of my notes, or I'll text my friend, or even I'll take three deep breaths and walk through the door. Step five, let the feeling come along. I can do this even while feeling nervous. The feelings don't have to leave for me to move. That's it. Stop waiting for anxiety to disappear before you start living. Let it ride in the passenger seat while you keep your hands on the wheel. Please keep your hands on the wheel. The real shift is moving from fighting your feelings to using them as information. Feeling anxious isn't a sign that you're failing. It's part of being a person who just deeply cares. And I know you're probably feeling like I've heard this so many times from you today, but I want you to fully hear this and take this in. Because if you can get this episode down, you will see a major difference with your anxiety. If this episode resonated with you, please take the time to give us a five-star review. Every review helps someone else who is struggling with anxiety or overthinking. Find our podcast and get the help and support that they need. Also, if you haven't yet, remember, download the Anxiety Survival Toolkit. It is there for you when you need it. It comes with audio messages, coping skills, a plethora of different tools that you can use in the moment when anxiety hits. Thank you again for listening. Until next time, keep moving forward. Trust yourself and never forget you have what it takes to block out the noise.